Saying yes to the right things and no to the wrong ones can be life-changing—but it’s not always easy. Too often, we say yes out of obligation and feel guilty when we say no.
That’s why I created the CARE Method, a simple, four-step approach to making decisions with confidence, kindness, and clarity. Whether it’s a work meeting, a request from a friend or a girls’ night invite, this method helps you say yes when you mean it and no without guilt, all while keeping your relationships strong.
The C.A.R.E. Method: Consider, Appreciate, Respond, Empathize
C - Consider: Pause Before Answering
Too often, we blurt out yes out of habit or discomfort. The first step in the CARE Method is to pause before you answer. Give yourself a moment to think instead of reacting automatically.
How to do it:
If it's a date or social event: Don't answer right away. Instead, say:
"Let me check my schedule and get back to you."
If it's a decision that involves others (work, family, finances): Give yourself time to think or consult someone. Try:
"I'll need to check with my partner/boss before committing."
If it's a favor: Take a beat and instead of a quick yes, say:
"Let me think about it and I'll follow up."
What NOT to do:
Ignoring the request or pretending you forgot does not just strain relationships. It also keeps you from building the skill of setting boundaries with confidence. Follow up, even if it is a no.
A - Appreciate: Show Gratitude
No matter your final response, acknowledging the ask is key. Even if you can't say yes, let the person know you appreciate them reaching out.
How to do it:
"Thank you for thinking of me."
"I appreciate you asking."
"This is such a fantastic opportunity."
What NOT to do:
Express your appreciation sincerely, but I'd caution against overdoing it though. Share a few words but then move on to your response.
R - Respond: Say Yes or No Clearly
This is where you give your answer—but with confidence and kindness.
How to do it:
If it's a no, here are some ideas.
"I wouldn't be the right person for this."
"This isn't a good time, but I appreciate you thinking of me."
"I can't right now, but please check again next time."
If it's a yes, set clear expectations:
"I'd love to help, and I can commit to X hours."
"I'll join for dinner, but I'll need to leave by 8."
What NOT to do:
Saying no does not mean making someone feel bad for asking. Instead of, “I cannot believe you would ask me to do this!” or dismissing their effort with, “Fundraisers never really raise much money,” focus on setting your boundaries while still showing appreciation for the request.
E - Empathize: Acknowledge Their Feelings
Empathy doesn't mean changing your answer—it just means recognizing that being turned down isn't easy for the person asking.
How to do it:
Use body language: Make eye contact, nod, and show you're listening and offer a verbal acknowledgment:
"I can tell this means a lot to you."
"I know it's tough to ask for help. I really respect that."
"I understand why this is important."
What NOT to do:
Apologizing excessively can make it seem like your no is negotiable. Saying, “I am so sorry! I feel so bad, I hope you aren't too mad at me!” may create unnecessary guilt and open the door for the person to push back. Similarly, backtracking after giving a clear no can teach people that your boundaries are flexible.
Final Thoughts: Saying No Is a Skill. Use It.
If saying no feels hard, that's because it is! Start practicing today, and you will be amazed at how much easier it gets.
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